at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just pee around me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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