like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you inspire me to be a worse person
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
this hospital has no fireball
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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