i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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