I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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