OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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