Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
