I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
