I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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