So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
