i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
