I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
