found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
