walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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