just come out here and I will go home with you...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
