none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
