So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
