I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize