So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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