i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
