I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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