I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
