I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
