So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize