Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
