Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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