we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize