why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
