Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
