Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
