Sorry, I don't speak sober.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
