dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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