Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
