Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
