This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
