Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
