WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So vagazzling was a success
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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