I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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