That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
