Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize