If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
