Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
