Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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