Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
