Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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