Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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