OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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