I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
