this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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