Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
