So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
