that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
