I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so explain again why im purple
no
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
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