Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
