fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
