apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
