Betty ford says i'm here all night
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
