apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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