I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
