Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
