apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
