I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
