Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
