So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
