Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
