Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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