Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
