I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
