I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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