that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
