I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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