8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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