Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
