some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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