Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
4 words: hood of his car
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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