Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize