if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
