I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
