Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
