how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
