Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize