my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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