There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
