She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
