i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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